Transformation

I finally completed another semester of school and have hit the halfway mark - yes, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I wrapped things up last week and spent Thursday and Friday sitting at home with Jack, in awe of how much he has changed in the last month.

Somehow while I was tucked away behind books and computers he went from scooting and crawling to pulling up and trying to stand on his own. He went from saying "da-da-da-da-da" all the time to babbling all kinds of combinations including my personal favorite "ma-ma". He loves to sit and read to himself or sing songs and clap his hands. Instead of drinking bottles during the day he prefers a cup of milk or juice, throwing it as far as he can to let us know when it is empty.

It is just amazing to me how quickly these changes occur. And while I am ready to welcome them all, I still miss the little boy that would sit nesteled in my lap each day, content to hold my hand and soak in everything I showed him. Now it is he that shows me things, pointing at everything, asking what it is without knowing the words, reminding me of the joy of discovery. I am so thankful for this time with him. So thankful that I get to learn so much every day. So thankful that I get to be a teacher for this child. And so hopeful that I can remember how he is every day, because with each new discovery he changes yet again.

Sigh....

So I feel that I should preface this post by saying that Jack is a wonderful baby. He is genuinely good, rarely cries, usually sleeps well, and always has a smile on his face. But even with all of that, there are times when this is HARD. Times when I feel so exhausted I just want to curl up in bed and never leave. But I do. For him. And for Robert. And I guess for me. :)

This semester seems to be hitting me harder than the previous with Jack. It was honestly easier to get school work done while recovering from a delivery that left me in bits and pieces with 50 stitches to mend. Because back then the boy was sleeping. And when he was awake he was, you know, NOT MOBILE. This semester I can't seem to get any work done at home, but when I am away I feel guilty for many different reasons. And while I'm not ashamed to admit the difficulty of being a mom, a student, and part-time employee, something about admitting how hard it is makes me feel like I am complaining. My life is so full in so many ways, and it makes me so happy. I appreciate every moment I have with Robert and Jack, but finding the balance between home and school/work is not easy. Some days I feel like there is nothing left of me for myself.

I realize this is compounded right now with Jack teething. During the day he is pretty much normal, but at night he wakes up every hour, crying until you hold him, waking again as soon as you put him down. We have tried pretty much everything to no avail. What works one night doesn't work the next and so forth. Robert and I are both about to crack. That's one thing about having an easy baby...you get used to your sleep and your schedule, and when that's off it knocks everything out of whack.

I continue to remain optimistic that tonight will be the night he sleeps again. That tomorrow I will cross just one thing off my to do list that is growing by the minute. That if I can make it through November I will finally get a rest. A relief. And some time to enjoy my family and hopefully return to the wife/mother they enjoy.

From creepy crawly to...

Sadly, the word that keeps coming to mind is demon spawn. But most of you probably wouldn't approve of me calling my son that. And of course that is an exaggeration, but my goodness! This child is changing waaayyy to fast for me to keep up. He went from curious, exploratory crawling to all out mischief in no time. On Saturday I had him in the office and he figured out how to stand up (YES, I said STAND UP!!) by leaning on the step up into the kitchen, and then proceeded to climb up the step and start crawling away. Granted I was watching and would not have let him get hurt, but it was yet another reminder that we cannot take our eyes off him for a second now.

Later on Saturday, I had to put him in his crib to clean up from a dirty diaper gone wrong, and he figured out how to pull up to standing using his crib rail. Needless to say Robert had the screwdriver out dropping the crib down to the lowest level real fast! After those two instances though, it was like a whole new world was opened up to Jack. Now we can't sit in the living room without him crawling around to all the furniture and pulling up on it. And while this is so, so exciting, it is so, so SCARY for me. I wind up not sitting at all, but instead scuttling along behind him in fear that he will, gasp, FALL.

I think the greatest part for Jack though is the amount of options it has opened for him. Tonight Robert left the living room to make supper, and Jack decided to tag along, crawling his way to the kitchen. I followed after he rounded the corner, and the grin on his face when he looked at me, like "I did this all by myself" was priceless. While we ate dinner he amused himself by crawling back and forth across the threshold to the kitchen and the hallway, peeping in the doorway at us and laughing.

And with all these exciting developments, I almost forgot to talk about Halloween! Jack went as The Flash, with Robert wearing his Flash shirt as well. He was so cute in his little costume! And he was a suprisingly good sport about the whole thing, even with getting lugged around and shown off all day. We didn't do the trick-or-treat thing but we did go to a family party and Jack got to play with all his cousins in costume. I should have pics on Flickr soon, though that is all dependent on finding time away from little man to get anything done.

Babyproofing tips are much appreciated. Right now I'm thinking padded floors, padded furniture, padded everything is the best option.

Creepy Crawly

Well, we have reached another developmental milestone. Jack has finally figured out how to crawl. I have been watching for the past month as he slowly put all the pieces together, and last weekend he got up the nerve to test it out. He was a bit timid at first, but we sweetened the deal by piling up all the cell phones, remotes and keys we could find about three feet away from him. In retrospect this may have been a bad idea, because since he realized he could actually move wherever he wanted to whenever he wanted to, there has been no stopping him. He has already crawled to the t.v. stand, opened the cabinet door, and pulled out all our old nintendo games. He also pulled out all of the speaker wire that Robert had painstakingly hidden under the front of the fireplace, wrapped himself up in it, and attempted to crawl away. (I will admit I actually watched this scene, it was too comical to stop him!) He is so cute scuttling across the floor getting into trouble.

In other developments, he is starting to realize that his voice can be used for more than cooing happily all day, and he wants to show us constantly. By whining. And whining. And whining. All the time. Time to change his diaper? Whining. Making his meal too slowly? Whining. Finished with the meal too fast? Whining. Removing him from the cabinets/wires/tables he is constantly trying to get into/under? Whining. I feel like I have gone from the happiest little boy in the world to a possessed child who's sole purpose in life is to drive me insane. There is only one whiner in this family. And it is me. I try to hard to talk it out, even though he can't always understand me, or to divert his attention to something else, but I won't lie, I have caught myself whining back at him on more than one occasion.

Other than the constant whining as the background music for our lives, things are going great. Robert and I celebrated our 4 year wedding anniversary earlier this month, and we have managed to enjoy some family outings even with all the insanity of school. Just yesterday we took Jack to a pumpkin festival and up to Point Park to watch the sunset - hopefully I'll have pics up soon.

Next on the horizon...searching for childcare centers....

Tuh-Duh!

I feel the need to write but I don't feel like there's anything to write about. I know, I know, I'm a new dad and Jackson is a wonderful son so there should be an unlimited supply of wonderful things to write about right there. Well, that's not so much the case. He's a good kid. That's about it. When you have a good kid, there's not too much to say. He eats well. He is a great and imaginative player. He gets a little grumpy when he's tired, but who doesn't? I mean, if he were some kind of demonic hellspawn that created a new, inventive way to torture his mother and father every day, I would write all the time. But, unfortunately, I was given a wonderful baby boy. Darn the luck.

So, what has been going on with Jack lately? Well, he is definitely an explorer. When he wakes up in the morning, he doesn't start crying or pitching a fit. He simply sits up and plays with his penguin or his Pooh (bear, not feces). He's also been pulling himself up on things and I am very proud to say he's pulled himself all the way up to a standing position. I think he'll be walking in the next month or so even though he hasn't even though of trying to crawl yet.

That's about it. So, if you were wondering, you've been updated. If you weren't, then you just received a lot of useless information. The whole point of this was to say that I haven't really done anything worthy of story writing as of late because, even though it doesn't sound like it, I've been too caught up in mentally cataloging the genesis of one of my favorite tales, Jackson's story. I mean, come on, wouldn't you get caught up in watching this little guy?


(guiltless exploitation of my son's cuteness)

Happy Birthday to Me

My birthday was Sunday and I got the best present ever - two front teeth! That's right, Jack sprouted both of his bottom front teeth seemingly overnight, and is now chomping away like a big boy. We were honestly taken by surprise that the teeth were there, because he had gotten shots on Thursday and when he was a little fussy we just thought it was because of that. So when I stuck my finger in his mouth on Sunday, it was definitely a shock to feel something sharp in there!

The rest of my birthday was great as well. We took Jack to the Hunter Museum and found out that he has an odd connection to art from before the 1800's. I really thought he would like the modern art, but he could have cared less about it. But put him in front of a portrait of George Washington and he will happily stare at it all afternoon, even laughing at how "funny" it is. And my wonderful husband was sweet enough to let me sleep in THREE mornings in a row, which was just plain awesome. It even motivated me to clean the house some. Some.

But I would have to say my favorite part of my birthday was picking Jack up out of his crib this morning and getting three kisses from him. He is just learning this whole kissing thing, so it is a real privilege to get one. But when he woke up this morning and I went in to pick him up, he grabbed my face and planted one on me. Then he started laughing, grabbed me again and kissed me twice more before burying his face in my neck. It was one of the sweetest moments I have ever experienced.

I have to say that 27 feels like it is going to fit me. I don't want to jinx the year or anything, but it feels like a good age. Even though life is crazy with juggling school and work and home, I feel more pulled together than ever, and so wonderfully settled with my family. I couldn't ask for anything more and I just hope time will slow down enough for me to soak some of this happiness in before another year goes by.

6 months (again)

Little Robert
Originally uploaded by bedlam2317

It's hard to believe that 6 months have already come and gone. It's weird, too, because I still see him as a fragile little baby and then I look at the MILLIONS of pictures his mother and grandfather have taken of him and see how much he's changed. There are so many subtle changes that appear every day. Whether it's his body getting longer, or his cheeks getting fatter, or the fact that he has cankles. Seriously, monstrous cankles, it's insane.
But more than the physical changes that seem to go unnoticed from day to day, it's the capabilities his acquired and the behaviors he's learned that really open my eyes to what an amazing and rapidly growing son I have. He knows his name, or rather names. He knows to look at someone when they say either, Jack, Jackson, or son. He's learned how to sit up on his own, how to roll around, how to roll his tongue. He recognizes family in pictures. He responds to familiar voices on the phone. He's amazing.
Most importantly, though, he's learned to say "da-da." Jack will sit there, either on the floor surrounded by toys, or in someone's lap, and just say "da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da" over and over and over again. It's truly glorious. I don't know what it is about name recognition, but it just makes me feel good to hear my child call out my name (and yes I know he's not really associating that sound with me, but I don't care. It's still awesome).
I must admit that I'm a bit anxious for the next coming months. I know most parents would want to slow things down and soak up every moment with their child, but I can't help finding myself wishing he were a little bigger and we were at the next big milestone. I just can't wait for the next new experience to see his reactions. I always try to imagine what the world looks like through his eyes. I love this boy.